I’m planning to do NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) again this year. After last year’s success I feel fairly confident that I’ll be able to do it again. I’ve been spending the last little while playing with a few different ideas for my novel this year. I’ve been writing a lot of memoir lately with our writing group and so for a while I thought I should do memoir for NaNo. It’s “technically” against the rules, which is very silly and doesn’t make any sense. Writing memoir is just as hard, if not harder in some ways, than writing fiction. I can understand why they suggest against people writing non-fictional informational texts and things but really, this is a contest with no prizes for the winners other than bragging rights and it’s super easy to “cheat” if you really want to.

But I decided against memoir. I was having a hard time coming up a theme that would be interesting to write, and read, other than a travel memoir about Scotland, which would take a lot of research. I’d rather not have to do a lot of research during NaNo. Or I could write about relationships, but I’ve already started that project and one rule I do agree with is that it should be a new project. Other than that I’m not sure I have enough material from my life to write about that would be interesting. So I scrapped the memoir idea.

I played with the idea of writing something dark, a horror novel, something new that I’d never done before, but nothing came to mind for an idea. Plus I’d really like to write something that I can share with other people in my life, even more than last year’s novel. I’d like to write something I can even talk about with classes I teach as a sort of inspiration for them to get writing. So I decided that this year’s novel will be geared towards children and young adults. I’ve been reading a LOT of children’s novels lately (see earlier posts reviewing books) so I feel I have a good grasp of the genre. And as a teacher I’m around my “target audience” all the time so that helps.

Someone mentioned doing a take on the Snow White fairy tale and this idea that had been jumping around in the back of my mind came to the front of my mind. I want to do a re-telling of Rapunzel but it’s going to be a very different story. The idea came about in an odd way. I was thinking about a friend of mine who married one of my ex boyfriends who wasn’t the greatest and cheated on me. I was thinking about how I had done my best to dissuade this friend from dating him in the first place and how that was probably all I could have done short of kidnapping her and locking her in a tower. This got me thinking about Rapunzel. What if the reason the witch took Rapunzel and locked her in a tower was that she knew something horrible was going to happen in her future? Moreover, what if the horrible thing that was going to happen to Rapunzel was something that had happened to the witch in the past which was why she was willing to go to such extreme measures? This is the basis for my novel.

I’ve decided that it’s going to be told in the first person point of view from Rapunzel (Rachel) who is now twelve years old and living in the present day with Cassandra (the witch) as her adopted mother. They live out in the country in a big old Victorian style house with (of course) a tower that happens to be Rachel’s bedroom. What Rachel doesn’t know is that both she and Cassandra come from a different world. Weird things start happening to Rachel. Then one day she finds what she thinks is a fictional book about this other world filled with magic and a woman who can see the future and a greedy king.

I’m working on developing the characters and worlds this weekend and then hopefully I can map out the plot over the next few weeks so I’ll be all ready to start writing on November 1^st. I’m getting excited about this idea. It’s complex and is taking a lot of thinking out and planning but hopefully that will be a good thing. I want to have Cassandra’s story woven throughout Rachel’s through Rachel reading Cassandra’s diary. I have a lot of Cassandra’s story worked out but I haven’t thought much about what’s going to happen to Rachel yet. I’ll get on to that today hopefully. The working title I have for the book right now is “Let Down Your Hair”. I think I may change it though. It sounds like it could be a romance novel and I don’t know how big a part her hair is going to play in the story.

We went to a wedding last weekend and we have another one to go to next weekend. Last weekend’s wedding was very nice. The ceremony was in a church, apparently a church built by one of the bride’s ancestors which is really cool. They had three officiants, two reverends and a priest. The MC made up a good joke about that at the reception. Over all it was a very beautiful wedding. There were a few things that Tony and I decided that we didn’t want at our wedding, a few things we would like to do, and some that we’d like to do differently.

The other day I found this book called “The New Wedding” published in the 1970’s. It was written by a feminist author and it was all about how with “new” weddings, it wasn’t about women becoming subservient to men and that it was okay to change some of the traditional wedding ceremony words like promising to obey, or even write your own ceremony. It was about how now marriages are more about equality and that it isn’t as unusual for people to live together before they get married. I only read a little bit of it but it was pretty amusing to think how much has changed since the 70’s and how some things haven’t changed but have become more common-place. 

I would really like to start writing our ceremony soon. I think I need to at least have some idea of what we are doing for the ceremony before I start handing out jobs to people. I’d rather not have the traditional bride’s maids and grooms men. I want a lot of people involved and for them to have jobs and titles and know how they can help out. I would like to create a wedding “company” with Tony and I as CEOs and then delegate all kinds of tasks to other people… but in less capitalistic way and more equality, consensus… good things! Okay, so I need a better analogy. How about we are the centre of a wheel and we have all our people who are helping out as spokes?

We still haven’t booked a place for the wedding or reception. It’s partially that we’ve been waiting on job news and other news. I really don’t want to have to move the date. I wonder if we can book things temporarily and move the booking if need be. I wonder if MTA would let us do that? Probably. I would imagine with bigger “wedding” sites you’d lose your booking fee or something but I would hope that a place like MTA would be more forgiving. I should e-mail that lady back and find out about Hestler Hall. I’d really like that to be our indoor option for the ceremony.

We’re both planning to come to Halifax on Thursday now. I’m not sure how much time we’ll have to visit people. The rehearsal dinner and rehearsal is Thursday night, Friday night I’m going out with Chantal and the women in the wedding, the wedding is most of the day on Saturday and then we’re coming back on Sunday. Hopefully I’ll get to see Michael, Heather and Joel somewhere in there, maybe Friday during the day. I'm also hoping we can go look around in Sackville either on the way down or the way back. I should e-mail them and see if we could have someone talk to us.

I consider myself a feminist. I feel that women haven't had equal rights and feel that we still don't in some ways and I think that should change. I think that the power structures that exist in our society are harmful in a lot of ways.

But to me, being a feminist does not mean I can be a bully in my relationship.

The other night I was out at a potluck and we started talking about weddings. A friend of mine who's also getting married and also considers herself a feminist was talking about the things for her wedding that are important to her. But rather than discussing with her fiancé what's important and why, she says she just "put her foot down" and said this is the way it's going to be, no arguing. Similarly, when we were talking about pregnancy she said she wouldn't "let" her fiancé drink if she ever got pregnant.

What is all this about putting feet down and not letting someone else do something? If the genders were reversed, if she was a man and was talking about putting his foot down to his fiancée or not allowing her to do something, we would call that abuse. But for some reason, in a weird twist of events, this is allowed coming from a woman towards a man. I've had people ask me why I "let" my fiancé smoke. It's not a matter of me allowing or not allowing him to do something. It's his life, his choices. I can influence those choices by talking about things, but we are equals, partners in this relationship. I don't have power over him and he doesn't have power over me. To me, telling someone else what to do, not asking, but telling, even if it's a woman telling a man what to do, that's oppression, not love, not respect, and certainly not feminism. Not my feminism anyway.

When did things turn around that way? Why is it now socially acceptable to put men down in a way that women used to get put down. We see it on TV all the time. Men are too stupid to do something so they get their wives to do it for them. Why is this okay? Men are these wild spirits that want to go and sleep with every woman and party with their guy friends and women are meant to try to tame them into submission by giving them curfews and putting their feet down about wedding planning and telling them where they’re allowed to go and who they’re allowed to see so they have to sneak out and lie and cheat. It’s all so backwards and wrong! Maybe it’s just reactionary. The oppressed have become the oppressors rather than becoming equal partners. And yet I don’t have any self respect, apparently, because I don’t put my foot down and tell my fiancé what to do. Gah.

On Monday I went and Schmoozed at 11 of the schools that I have supplied at, well, one was a school I haven't been to before. I handed out resume's to secretaries, Vice-pricipals and Principals, spoke to teachers I haven't seen in a while, got lots of hugs and lots of compliments. I even got a "We should get you a job!" and some very specific questions about my knowledge of grade 2 and 3. And I got booked for 5 days from now till December. Not bad. Reasuring in a lot of ways, but still, no job. I feel positive about the schools wanting me to be there and wanting me to supply for them, but a lot of inservices are going to happen out of school time, which is when I got the majority of my days, so mostly I'll just be waiting for people to take sick days and go on vacation which doesn't happen that often. Teachers like to be in their classrooms. Understandably so. So I'm still considering day care. I may try to stick it out till December and see if anything comes up. I've heard a few rumours of maternaty leaves and academic leaves that might open up some long term positions. 

See the problem is, if I go out of the system to get a job with regular hours and pay, my chances of getting a full time teaching job go way down. The thing about substituting, especially where I'm in so many schools, is that people get to know me. They get to know my name and like my teaching style or find me a nice friendly person, and then when my name comes up for a job, they know who I am which gives me a leg up over the people they don't know. But there are so many people whose faces they also see on a regular basis. And with so few jobs.... well, it's a lot to think about and consider.

The good thing that I did find out on Tuesday at the Substitute Information session is that all the people with D contracts have jobs now. That means that all the people above me on the list have jobs and so I have a better chance of getting a job if one comes up now. And Tony's applying for his job now so soon we'll know, on his side at least, what our financial situation will look like. Then maybe we can start planning for the wedding in earnest! Woohoo! I'm really excited about planning the wedding :)

Oh, Jackie, the friend with the new and used clothing store, is closing her store on Saturday. So I will have to find another way to sell my jewellery. Too bad, but she has to do what she feels is right for her. She had a lot on her plate so I can totally understand, even though I am a bit dissapointed.

I'm going over to a friend's for lunch, so I should go get ready. Hugs to all :)
 

Then I went through a very long anti-girly rebellion. I didn't wear skirts or dresses except for special occasions. I didn't care what I looked like really. I wore jeans and t-shirts or sweatshirts all the time. Well, it was the 90's and that was the style, but I had a hard time deciding what looked good. I was not at all experimental with my clothing. I was afraid of standing out or getting teased I think. I was afraid of wearing the wrong thing. So I stuck with what was safe while a lot of my friends were experimenting with different styles. My mom's always had a really good eye for fashion and for what's "in". She used to teach clothing in my junior high so she was always really aware of what was trendy. She made a lot of clothes for me when I was little and then bought a lot of my clothes as I got older. She still buys me clothes sometimes. I learned to trust her judgement eventually but when I was younger I felt that some of the things she tried to buy for me were too risky. To bright or too far away from my comfort zone. I was always compared to my aunt Jeanie who still to this day has similar issues about style. We both hated shopping and were both prone to buy clothing that looked like clothing we already owned.

Gradually this has changed. I've gotten better at seeing what other people are wearing and what looks good on my body. I'm very lucky to have a body type that's easy in terms of fashion. I have issues with finding clothes small enough a lot of the time, but have discovered, for example, that it's much easier to find skirts that fit than shorts or pants. I have a small waist and regular sized hips so pants are hard. But skirts are easy! The only problem with skirts is there's this one style of skirt, the sort of shorter 50's style flared skirt that I love but I can never find them short enough for me. As much as I would like to believe I'm tall, clothes tell me otherwise and for some reason they don't often carry skirts in petites. Why? No idea. I guess they figure it doesn't matter if you're wearing a skirt that's too long. But they all come to an awkward length on me that's not attractive.

I'm not sure where this new love of style and clothes came from. I think it's partially self confidence. I've had enough compliments on my wardrobe to be confident enough in my ability to try new things. I love bright and bold colours now. I certainly wouldn't say I have an unusual style or anything. I am still pretty conservative in the way I dress, but I have different colours and different styles than I ever had growing up. And shoes! I have red shoes and I wear them :) I always get compliments on my red shoes. They have a low heal and are comfortable enough that I can wear them teaching.

Anyway, we're going to go swimming soon so I should go get ready :) Have a nice day everyone!
 

What they have is two isles of delight. I spent well over an hour (and way too much money) going up and down the isles gawking at everything and trying to decide what to buy and what not to buy. It was really hard. Especially since I've seen some of that stuff at the Dollarama and The Great Canadian Dollar Store for much better prices. And yes, it is the same stuff. It's pretty much all made in China. That makes me sad. But their variety was so much better that they roped me in. There were a few things on sale and it wasn't _that_ expensive. But I did manage to spend over $80 some how. Yikes!

The rest of my shopping was much more constrained to what I needed; bus tickets and my ticket for the Harry Potter midnight showing.

On the bus over and back I read quite a bit of a book that a friend of mine loaned me. It's called "The Off-Beat Bride" written by the woman who has a blog of the same name. I had considered buying it but since she has a blog I figured a lot of her web-site would have the same information. My friend recently got engaged and so we decided to exchange books for a while. I lent her my "The Green Bride Guide", the only wedding book I've bought, she lent me the one I'm reading plus "Wedding Planning for Dummies".

"The Off-Beat Bride" is a great book. It's an easy read and she has a wonderful writing style. She's very frank and doesn't mince words at all. I'm no where near as 'off-beat'' as she is, but I'm finding reading it really helpful in terms of not feeling like a freak because I don't want to have a traditional wedding. I like that she's big on the "have your own wedding and don't listen to people who want to tell you what you should want" because that's  my philosophy. I've been really lucky because my mom is also very vocal (*side note - I just deleted five 'really's from that last paragraph. Go me!) about making sure that we have the wedding we want and don't let anyone push us into anything we don't want. The amazing thing is that we haven't had to stand up to anyone sticking their nose in our wedding business yet, other than people saying, "Oh, you don't have a venue yet? You should really book that soon you know". Yes. I know that. Thanks. We're trying but it's hard. We're hoping to go to Sackville some time this summer to look at places but we haven't managed to plan the trip yet.

I want to make sure that this wedding reflects us. I want it to be our day but I'm not sure how to do that yet. I want to find a theme. I think that would help a lot. But it's weird all these little things that I'm re-thinking. For example, I heard this tip about growing your own flowers or having someone grow them for you. I thought this is a wonderful idea. I love growing flowers. We're getting married late May. There are flowers late May. But the main flowers around then are tulips and daffodils. I love both of those flowers, in the ground and in flower arrangements, but I'm not so sure about in bouquets. And would they look right with my dress? And then I thought, why do I have to carry a bouquet? Is it necessary? Not really. It would be nice. And maybe if I could find the right flowers, or even just a single rose, it would look nice, maybe. But it's not something I NEED. There are few things in this wedding I NEED. Tony is set on the idea of feeding everyone and that's great. I agree. I want to have a reception with dancing and I want to get married in a circle. But if we find the perfect venue that won't allow for a circle (not a big enough open space) then I'll get married in an audience/performance type setting. I think the problem is I don't have a dream or a vision of what I want my wedding to be like because I've never seen a wedding like what I want. Sarah's and Kat's were close but not quite. Ah well, I'm sure we'll figure it out.